The Spanish government announced today that it would be seeking reparations from the Muslim world for the occupation of the country from 711 to 1492, and all the glorious architecture it left behind. ”This was settler colonialism, pure and simple,” said the Spanish Interior Minister Juan Fortheroad. “And all the problems Spain has today are definitely because of that, and not anything we’ve done ourselves.
Asked whether he’d like to tear down the Alhambra Palace, Fortheroad replied “Well… no, obviously not. Quite apart from being an architectural wonder that inspires me every time I see it, it brings so many tourists here, all of whom stay in hotels, eat in restaurants and generally contribute a fortune to our economy. “But apart from that, what have the Muslims ever done for us?”
In a separate action, Britain announced it was going to seek reparations from the Romans, Vikings and Normans, despite the fact that the Normans never left and most modern day Brits are in fact descended from them. “Making the whole thing the worst example of self-abuse since Nigel Farage quietly slipped off to the lav holding a photo of himself.”